I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
