Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
