My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
