First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
