we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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