sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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