At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The power of my boobs compel you
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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