I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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