i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
