Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
