you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
