There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
