walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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