I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
