I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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