We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
