...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
