he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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