Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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