pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
