I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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