you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
