Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
