wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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