i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
