Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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