u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
