Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
