If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
