yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
