Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
