My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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