woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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