ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
