She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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