i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
