thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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