my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
