And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
