How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
