you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
