I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
