Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
