Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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