why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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