I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
