the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
