Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
