does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
