He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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