I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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