last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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