im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's rum buckets o'clock
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
