Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
