Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
