After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
