she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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