In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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