mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
