Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Randomize
